A Predictable Infinity

I knew now how it was all going to end, this was a post mortem note, the death signal had already been given the bitches had surrendered to the night, I wept some tears in the shower, I knew what was going to happen and I did not like knowing, knowing was a terrible thing but I was also resigned to it, resigned to a life of oblivion, to a life of desperation, to a life of futile struggle against inconsequential events, inconsequential enemies after a cause that failed to stimulate my inner soul, my heart, my passions, cold hugs, cold relationships, meaningless friendships, wanting in love, longing for compassion, waiting for her, never! Always.

Destiny had in the end won, there was no way for me to struggle against it for I had fallen in love with its plan, I wanted to deliver the goods, regardless of the outcome, I wanted the world to know, and that in itself doom me to delivering to destiny what it had known all along I would deliver.

I took my finished work and placed it on the coffee table where prying eyes would easily find it, then I went to where the aliens had instructed me to go. They had captive, a number hostages, hostages because of destiny and because they wanted me. And now I, having decided that I wanted to save them, rushed through traffic, raced through stairs, and separated myself from the distance so as to be near them, so as to rescue them from what had nothing to do with them and all to do with me.

The aliens had Colette hostage, a gun was near her face, I dashed through the door of the conference room and without even thinking performed a few gymnastic movements, which with assistance from gravity, placed themselves into stomachs, faces and legs with brutal force. The bastard that had Colette suffered the worst fate for my fingers took his eyes, and were it not from the fact that I was able to get my fingers untangled from his brain I would have taken his skull too.

Then Abrahms whom you may now suspect as an enemy, made himself known to me, he laughed, and laughed and how I recognized that laugh and how I had grown to hate that laugh, and how I did not know the man responsible for that laugh a man that had seen me be a coward when I would not fire a gun to save my friend Enrique. Enrique and I had been revolutionary comrades during our rebellious youth and had joined a fringe group of radicals that had sworn to take over the government as long as it did not require full time service. Enrique and I were caught off guard by a platoon of federal guards and a chaotic struggle ensued, in which I found myself pointing my revolver at the soldier that was about to fire at my good friend Enrique. Enrique had pleaded with me, had begged me to shoot at the man that was about to fire his revolver at him, but I froze and the man shot Enrique and all I remember is Enrique shouting “shoot!” “shoot!” but I didn’t shoot, I could not shoot, and though frozen stiff I could see Enrique bursts into a flame of blood, and then there was this laugh, this heinous laugh, an I received a bullet into my left hand through the palm, much as the stigmata mark left by the spikes on the cross or the mark left by my sister, this made me release the revolver that I could not fire to save Enrique and so I took off like a Puma only I was not after prey but rather trying to avoid being the prey and all I remember is running and running and I woke up by the river quietly crying as if a nightmare had abused me, but it had been real I had abandoned my friend Enrique left him there to die and he had petrified his pleading face into my brain, “Shoot!” “Shoot!”

Abrahms had been the Captain holding the gun, he had also fired the shot that had left this bullet wound on my palm, he had been more than the selected one he was an impostor all along the fellow that was laughing, all the time, an illusion, and Abrahms was doing all the talking for the aliens had been Abrahms, I was indeed the one they were after I was merely falling victim to a master plan my philosophical wonderings were of value to them but not to those that were my peers on earth, and these aliens had formulated a plan of action that called for my deception I was to follow them, not to be sequestered and Melody was part of the plan she was to seduce me I would volunteer, they knew I would do all of those things this had all been a mad game for them and now that there master plan had failed because I had decided to have a cup of coffee instead of being another martyr they were ready to go brutal on me and exposed me.

Laughing hysterically and looking at me, “You know what this is don’t you?” I looked and I froze, it wasn’t the revolver that I had not fired to save Enrique, it was instead the defragmentor a weapon that I had seen used on Erehwon, it somehow decomposed anatomical structures into oblivion and it could in theory reconstruct them at will but one needed to follow the instructions which I did not possess, and I was sure Abrahms had no care to reverse. I looked at Abrahms the inhuman monster and I purposefully punched through the poor barbarian that was standing next to me and I retrieved his revolver and with an accuracy that was worthy of better men I sequentially pulled the trigger aiming firmly but hastily at three of them, and their falling bodies verified my accuracy. Unfortunately my high hit ration was based on the machine-gun concept of accuracy, which translates to, higher lead density requires less of it, and so as if only to prove Adriana correct, Collette's body took in some of those extra accuracy assurance bullets, and I do not mean to excuse my mortally wounding her more than a few times, but judging from the way she danced after she caught the first bullets, it was apparent that she was selfishly trying to cover all of space so as to catch all of them, just to make me feel badly.

Abrahms not an alien that lost his calm or his humorous laugh easily, repeated himself while merely glancing and humoring at my hit ratio. “Do you know what this is?” The shiny object no bigger than an oversized cigarette lighter in his hand glared, and I could see the three buttons one red, one white and one green that controlled all of its functions. I knew that if he pushed one of them all of these people before me would be dead or gone, same thing. I paused, placed the gun down on the floor and stood up to face him. In silence, I stopped the violence.

He spoke “Why don’t you tell these nice people who you really are? Why don’t you tell them how you were using them for cover, come on tell them! Tell them how you jeopardize their lives to hide from destiny. Go on tell them! Or would you prefer that I tell them?” Laughs, “Or should I tell them what happen to your dear friend Enrique or for that matter to most of your good friends? No wonder Destiny wants to kill you that is why I am here, I, merely a pawn.” His hands wildly trouncing the air. It was difficult for me to comprehend how this crazy man had all of a sudden placed himself as guardian of the community at large, and I as a symbol of their proximity to danger.

He laughed, I just looked at him for the longest of times much like everyone else and then I had to ask. “How did you find me?” “Oh I used the best of trackers surely you know Melody? Or call it the heart.” At this point Melody came out from behind the crowd, she had been surveillance all along and so it was she that had tracked me down and helped my mortal enemy. I stared at the love of my life, sure I knew right away that I had not defended myself against her, that my thoughts only thought to lure her back to me, and so I had kept this mental connection that constantly sent her messages of my whereabouts and my doings. Abrahms interrupted my astonished thoughts, “Best tracker in the business, yap she tracked you so very well, and I must say I know why you love each other; but you have wronged this girl just like you wronged Enrique, and I dare say, though not the philosopher that you fancy yourself to be, that love makes for bad enemies. Hey, love just opens you up and makes you weak, that’s why you won’t catch me being ugly like that, no sir no love for me, you see my friend, in our line of business there just isn’t any room for that.”

I had to wonder why I had remained by myself, always the loner, always, and I did not like the conclusion, destiny had me on a mission that could only trouble the others, that could only tangle them in unwanted troubles, I kept them away, this was my battle with destiny and I did not wish anyone else to have to endure through my trials. Some times in moments of weakness I would allow a warm spirit into my life, only this would inevitably lead to mutual pain and I would eventually forced a separation. I remember vividly, one event in particular, when I told a woman that I loved that I had had an affair, from that day forward we were doomed, but I had lied and I could never confess or explain that lie to her. Seeing Melody after drifting for so long and so aimlessly, much like sand in a desert, I felt at last that I did not wish to be alone, that others might even wish to endure with me, I think what I am saying is that at some point being a mortal becomes acceptable, at some point one tires of fighting the body, of seeking the ephemeral world of what is mind and spirit, and when one arrives at this junction all that is left is heart.

I no longer believed that it is humane or sane to seek faith or knowledge, the body politic, science and religion are mature, I, being of sound body and mind dare predict that they will never deliver greatness, they will be replaced by a decent poetical soul, or by a despot, and if I have had any part of that, and in that, I am grateful. I am also grateful to Cilantro, Garlic and Avocados for these are the three primary constituents of the universe, and don’t let Artichoke hearts fool you like they onced fooled me.

My Melody was still wearing that ugly purple dress that I liked so much, and still moving sensually in that sultry slunky way of hers, and beautiful as ever. I just felt so lost and the bastard had her working for him, I was really a dead man now, and so were those people around me and so was my love.

It would be a mental struggle, my thoughts against his, regardless of the nice capabilities of the defragmentor the facts were that I had to defeat him in a mind game; that was what it was all about, that was what this whole universe was about, the development of mind and mind games, the excretion and bombardment of the soul, we were about to find out if irrational behavior could outwit logic, if emotions could over impose upon the rational, if the universe could continue to exist if it did not make sense!

OK, the question was as simple as: why do people continue to reproduce against the face of death? Abrahms was very much aware of all this, as much as he had realized it during our endless chess games in which making a mistake was a deliberate move to merely end eternal maneuvering. Logic has eternal loops that only irrational maneuvering may violate, and so he was about to press one of the buttons on the defragmentor, when I mentally twisted it away from his hand, and it then fell to the floor.

Abrahms laughing said “Oh common you were really awful at chess and besides…” rubbing his belly, “…you are out of practice.” He was right if my chess games were any indication of the outcome I was going to lose. My irrational behavior always surprised my opponent because they were not tracing logical steps, and so on occasion I would offer brilliant altercations to their strategy. Irrational processes have the advantage that you do not have to plan ahead, my moves were never dependent on my previous moves, my chess universe was instant, while my opponent had to count on logical history and the expected future; my Quantum chess strategy only counted on the presentworld view of things, it didn’t pretend anything. But winning like this has no built in consistency, I never knew what it was that I did to win, this was the costly part of the Quantum irrational, I could win impossible victories but to repeat the process was equally impossible. Abrahms unruly advantage was his pedestrian consistency.

This time Abrahms had the egregious advantage that he had literally taken my Queen, and that he had converted her to his cause. Life for a man is like chess in that he is seen as the most powerful figure but the reality of his power rest on his queen. A man is usually lost without her to guide and storm the opponents. A king is really the weakest piece on a chess board, to all the cost of all, he has to be protected, he can only move one space, he can not place himself in jeopardy, he must always be above the fray, he must always hide his vulnerability, he is the King, the one that everyone will sacrifice to save, but he is also the one that handicaps all. The Knight is more, with his multiple ability to assault it’s prey for the kill, in a very predetermined fashion and yet always a surprise. Or what about the Bishop, why didn’t the Queen marry the Bishop? He, the Bishop, is so magical and also able to handle himself with unsurpassed grace. If the game were updated to meet reality, after the King’s death, the game would still continue. The game ought to persist with the Queen, she understands everything, she sees all and can hurt all, the board is all hers, there is no place she can’t go, there are no limits to her potential, except for that damn King. Why don’t the drmant Pawns, the insensitive Rooks and all the others realize that once the King is dead they have a better chance of winning? Why don’t they realize that to have to protect the King is a burden? Why doesn’t a frustrated Pawn rise to assassinate his own King, thus instantly releasing the potential energy that is reserved for his defense? Why, upon the King’s death does not the Queen rise to the occasion and call all to arms! “Damn the defensive, it’s all offensive to victory!” Why! Where is the brilliant chess master that will dare to test my theory!

Wise observers will tell you that the King grounds the power of the Queen, that unfettered by him the Queen’s natural power would destroy everything in her way, that he makes her think about what she does, she, has to care for him. When the Queen moves perhaps she thinks of the consequences her actions will bare upon her King and even of the consequences to her people. Yes, there is something savage about her power and freedom over the board, and maybe it is true that because of the King more pieces survive an entire war, and perhaps less blood is left on the battle field. And if this is so then we no longer need to ask ourselves why it is that the passionate and exquisite Queen continues to reproduce Kings.

I concentrated my mental energy into a pure stream of thoughts that were directed to cause events without action and for him mental overload. We went back and forth, before each other and the streams broke back and forth and back and forth and still we stood before each other and there was a lot of tension but one could not tell just exactly who was winning and who was losing; all they could see was these frozen trembling men leaning into each other but not touching, and making each other shake and shake and the perspiration running profusely from all flesh and many a burst of air but that was all, and I continued trying to stream my thoughts to overload his, each containing a greater degree of potential than the last. The objective was not to permit him to complete the thoughts and to overwhelm him with both their originality, thus alien to him, and their complexity as well as internal variations that forbade loops because he would not be able to think fast enough to complete the loop and see it, or because it really was such a great thought that it could not be completed, not by him and not by a me or anyone in the room. he collapsed. And I took that to be a sign that I too could collapse, and so I did, and on the floor I crawled, straining as I did with much effort to reach the defragmentor, and just as I was about to grab a hold of it Melody’s stubborn and sexy black boot stepped on my hand preventing me from grabbing the killer defragmentor.

I looked up and through my irked sweat filled eyes saw her and I reached for the defragmentor again only to meet with more resistance. She then reached out, gun in hand and aimed it at me with much precision, which by the way was wholly unnecessary because I was not about to move anywhere, anytime soon and certainly not even if I did, very quickly. I rested for a second and then I stared at the barrel but more looking at Melody and I said, “Melody how could you?” She hastily replied, “You dare ask me how could I, after the terrible things that you did, after the terrible way in which you abandoned me!” The barrel that she was pointing made a seminal bleeding dance, for Melody this was nothing more than a ritual killing, ours was a relationship that could never end, so one of us had to be terminated, not to end things but to eliminate incessant options for the heart.

“But Melody Abrahms was after me, he is really Destiny, he wanted to hurt me, it was his intent to make my life miserable and I rightly suspected that if he discovered our love, while we were still together that he would a had you killed.” What do you mean rightly?” “I left you to save your life! I intentionally corrupted our relationship to keep you alive, I then feigned love for another knowing that he would think her my true love, and hurt her instead of hurting you.” Perplexed, angry, Melody asked, “Who was she and where is she!” Her name was Tatania, when Abrahms found us amidst a trip of ecstasy the bastard murdered her!” Melody’s eyes went into shock, her flesh went white and cold, she could see but nothing, part of her soul thinking of this other woman that had replaced her in death, part of her mind in shock over the irreparability of my actions, part of her madness wanted to turn the gun on Abrahms, part of her angst wanted to turn the gun against herself, conjuring pictures of this dead Tatania woman that even now she did not know! Tears without cries flowing from her eyes making supplications to reason, “How did she die?” “A snake found her throat, poison made it into her body, but I believe she suffocated before the poison could do it’s portion of the deadly deed.” And now more than all of everything Melody wanted to murder me, me the ever rising horror of her life.

I decided that it was not in my interest to let her think, irrationality always favors me but this time I pursued reason. “First you assist Abrahms in tracking me down and now you are going to kill me is what happened between us something that only I felt?” Melody indignant, stern and perspiring asked me, “What will you do if I give you the revolver? What will you do with Abrahms?” My response was hasty but truthful, “I will kill him! That is why I am here and that is why I have chased him!” “You, chased him! You! It was he that was after you, he is the one that is here to kill you.” “Melody, It does look that way doesn’t it, but it is all more complicated than that for he is Destiny and he really needed me alive while it was I that declared war against him. You see, I knew that he would use you and that in a sense you would lead me to him by leading him to me.” The gun danced a bit more persuasively and Melody shouted, “What are you saying?” “Abrahms is Destiny trying to sneak up on me to kill me before I kill him. Abrahms, the real Abrahms is dead, dead in a planet called Erehwon, yes, he killed him too. But Melody it is I that had to find Destiny, him, and trap him. You see he, being Destiny always knew where I was going, but as Destiny he could not know where I was, only someone real, like you, could tell him that.” Melody was even less happy with this sort of real reasoning, her trigger finger was beginning to itch while also acquiring a sort of independence from her. “But why is Destiny trying to kill you now, if as you say he needs you alive?” “Melody I have finished my task and he knows where a duplicate of my work lies, to him I am useless now, and alive I am his mimesis, WILL, or worst the person that can destroy my own work.” Melody did not change moods, this scene was just looking more and more gruesome.

I gave up trying to reach the defragmentor and reached for my own gun that had been closer and I picked it up and pointed it at her and so here it was we were about to do each other in. This was so much a repetition of the earlier struggle in our relationship when we were trying to outdo one another in getting the other to stop loving anyone else only these barrels had the element of being more convincing, so one had to be sure one wanted what one was about to ask for.

Well I guess by now you have figured out that Melody is going to kill me, done in by the love of my life, how typical, perhaps it is her way of saving me and of saving herself and of saving the world, or perhaps is her act of true love; regardless before I let her blow my guts out, I presume you will want to know how much of what I have told you is the truth. Well I just know that all of these things were revealed to me by INSIGHT. Even before the machine had been turned on I had received its insights and I have revealed them to you not as prophecy, not pontificating but merely by telling you what it was and what it is. But what INSIGHT truly revealed to me was the most outstanding and incredulous revelation, and I feel compelled to again share it with you all. That is, that everything is truth! That what you have imagined however fantastic or outrageous is truth! that everything that we have heard or not heard about the past is truth! That everything that we think, see or perceive of the present is and are truth! And that all things that we imagine, perceive or prophesied of the future to be, are truth! that everything we think and feel at all times in any context, realm, or imagined dream, is and are truth! That nothing is not, and is truth. The truth is us all, we can not escape it, the truth is everything and everything is the truth!

Now my fellow thieves that you know lies do not exist, you may be wondering how much of what I have told you within this work is the truth and with all honesty I will tell you this; in our society in order to tolerate the truth we communicate it via fiction but amongst friends reservations are intolerable, imagination has always failed me. Yes, I have lived long enough to see all my theories disproved by reality, my only reason for enduring is that the truth remains silent. And my friends at last I beg thee to desist from all action for a mind that is incapable of arriving at finite decisions is capable of infinite thought.

Bells, never enough bells ringing, around these parts, they just don’t ring bells anymore. Walking down these cold lifeless streets, what lies ahead for the heart, for life, for us all sacred cows of this universe? Fog rolls in to make the night appear less dark, to prevent the insulting lights which crawls from other sources to interfere with mine, with ours. Velvet chairs, glass tables, sacred wine, moving with the spirits that are watching us, moving only steps behind them, slowly moving with them for the new light will come soon. The daylight is expected, we are dressed in bright colors waiting for the sun to make them glitter, to bounce our smiles back to that sun, that sun that hides so well now but will come naked in the new morning.

Still, Melody and I were both aiming so as to make sure that we would not miss and then she proceeded to answer the question: “I only assisted Abrahms because I did not have the resources to locate you by myself he provided all of that and I was his guide but my intent was to find you for myself and to kill you myself for leaving me the way that you did for destroying my thrust with your masculine brutality.” I found these words difficult to digest I had always been a sensitive man more keen than others in listening to the many knots that made a woman’s heart, but in a sense Melody was right parts of me were macho, parts of me were crude, and she was not being fair for not seeing how she fell in love with some of these horrible parts that were me. We all fall in love with qualities of the other that are not necessarily favorable or kind to us and Melody and I were guilty of the same circumstance thought if you were to ask her she would say that she had always been sincere but a woman can be sincere because she is so far ahead of the process that her sincerity has already been pre-calculated while we as men have to lie because ours is a condition of reaction.

Melody’s gun still fiercely hanging it’s weight in my direction, I decided to plea bargain after all there was no doubt in my mind that at the rate we were going the wife in Melody wanted to see me dead. Wives again are very demanding and they are the purest version of natures power men generally lose to wives serve them well never fail them and you can keep them for life; a wife will tolerate anything from a man as long as he gives her what she wants. Plea bargaining activates the motherly or nursing interest in a woman and at this point I was not above those interest. “But I only left you to prevent you from getting involved in this moral, mental and emotional madness that I was forced to live in, (Man as protector,) I didn’t want you to have children that would suffer from manic depressions and compete with each other in creative ways to commit suicide, (Man as victim,) this was sure to call on her nursing interest and good nurses will not shoot their patients unless this puts them out of their misery and Melody knew that I would be just as miserable in this life as in the next. But I have been so lonely since we separated mine has been an emptiness that not even death would satisfy. The mother in her would want to comfort this emptiness, to hug me mothers can not cure they just give comfort, and endless tolerance, nurses can cure but a cured male will usually abandoned the nurse, still a nurse will want to see some improvement so as to feel like she is making a difference but there should always be some ailments. I had called on all of her sympathies except the wife I suppose I could at this point offer to conquer the world or give her the most passionate movement in D minor, or promise her a child, this are the sort of impossible offerings you have to make to wives but I was to tired an again the wife in Melody was displeased with my performance. I had failed her, I had made promises and not delivered and had created dreams that never materialized I had demonstrated potential that I did not possess and like a God, Melody would rather shoot me than fault her poor judgment of the masculine. To me this was both a compliment and misery for if she could not be wrong I was capable of being terrific however I had failed her which made for an egregious terrific that is not so much that I could not but that I didn’t! Hell!

Bells ringing…

Crowds gather, all kinds of peoples at the central square, at this one and that one, and not for the celebration but in anticipation. We search the skies, we grab each others hands, we show the wrinkles of our humanity, we show expressions once were buried, gathering our common chains, coming closer so as to eliminate their pulling, closer so as to eliminate their weight, closer. The authorities disappear, they never came, they are unaware of the event, they can’t prevent it, they don’t know what it is, they think perhaps a dark rider, galloping in the night will storm us back to our beds, back into our homes. Oh but it is not this horseman that we await for, nor could we now know the fear. We are waiting for another that has been watching our every move, that has been collecting petals to place on our hearts. Yes, it is another we are here to see, see when the sun’s translucent orange breaks through prisms giving us, each our own share of the sun light. Vivid violet flowers shower us now, come the morning roses too.

Now the reader may say Melody can see through all that nonsense he is telling her but I will tell you that women have the capability to believe incredible lies when it is in their best interest and they choose to believe them so that if need be at a later time they can accuse us men of deception to the fifth degree. Plausible deniability has always been a woman’s prerogative. Melody was the most feminine woman that I had ever met she did not have a conflict with her femininity she was not a war with herself it could be said that I had been her only war. And so fortunately, often times we men are saved by the fact that no matter how intelligent or liberated a woman might be, the fact that she is a woman always gets in her way.

For now the barrel retained a posture of defiance, either her arm had fallen sleep in that position or I was way off the mark and about to mate with death. I searched into her eyes hoping to see a fiber of humanity somewhere but she betrayed nothing; I then decided that if one can’t win it is best to disarm one’s self that way it calls for more courage from the assassin. I gently smiled at her and said, “O.K. you want to do this you go ahead I love you and you are aware that I love you, you were able to track me down because you are the only one that I’ve trusted and wanted near me and if I risked all that to be by your side even if it meant only to be killed by your unforgiving love, well then fine,” I placed the revolver on the floor and said, “Melody I love you!” and there was so much sincerity in those words that her weapon precipitated to the floor and we rushed into each other to embrace so tightly, suffocating and eliminating all of the space and emptiness that had separated us. It was impossible to separate us we had really never been apart we were just returning to our other half so as to be a complete whole again.

More bells, everyone to have bells.

It is a crystal that we will see, a perfect crystal such has never been. It will break our eyes with tears, it will storm our hearts with joy, it will storm our agonies away, it will betray the past and present, acting as a barrier between those and us. Forgotten are the saviors of suffering, forgotten the peddlers of knowledge, ideology lost and blind before the Crystal that leads to many ends. The magic appears to disappear. Oh yes, there was something to it all, it was not all in vain, never to tell, never to tell, just say good morning at the end.

We looked at those surrounding us in amusement, for they seemed to be encouraging our loving charade. I picked up the Defragmentor and holding Melody’s hand we walked over to that imbecile Abrahms who’s eyes were rolled into his forehead probably still pursuing my last thought which had simply imposed on him the calculation of the circumference of a circle without a center.

Other than finding that the irrational emotional is more advance than the rational, I had figured out not great thing. If I had to do it again I would not pursue an idea or a genuine emotion to reprogram human culture, I would instead find the cure for hair loss, men that are losing their hair are dangerous creatures and an imbalance lot, their impact on the social is far greater than that of a genuine thought. As for what remorse I may have over my many victims let me just say that I was more the victim of my victims. Life has taught me that some times you have to kill your friends and at others you have to kill your enemies, it is a sign of wisdom to know when to do which. I pushed the green button on the Defragmetor, this was without my possessing any knowledge of how to reverse the process, a thick green laser like light escaped from the device and that was all the hair loss that Abrahms was going to suffer.

We, Melody and I, then requested that the group not disturb the authorities with the events that had transpired, and I kissed Melody as passionately as ever, and feeling my heart getting fatter, my soul being devoured, drew me to cater to the wife in her so I whispered softly into her ear: “Melody will you marry me?”





To Act…