The Beggars Slow Death

As Adriana and I took this romantic walk through the streets of her cavernous city we happen upon a beggar. I was a bit surprised perhaps I thought that beggary was not an exportable resource and therefor only occurring on earth but this beggar certainly looked the part he was a squalid looking fellow, a partially grown beard revealed that on occasion he had found the time to shave, his clothes had been less fortunate in finding a wash and so emitted a humid smell that was not endearing, it rather acted as a repellent that would force passers by perhaps to surrender coins in hope of dissipating it. My naive self feeling in a naive loving mood asked Adriana if she had a few alms for the needy; I had a few coins myself but I was sure the exchange rate would severely lessen their value. Adriana said “We are not religious practitioners of altruism here, each must seek his own reward but we do not volunteer to encourage begging.” I said, “Well there must be plenty of volunteering or else this beggar fellow would be dead.” “No,” she said, “...he is more a Vulture, just as all real beggars are Vultures feeding off of the waste produce by society and therefor participating in recycling and cleaning, this beggar survives by what he gathers at night from the trash or the streets not from any coins he might gather in his hat. We avoid altering their natural tendency for simplicity, an internal desire to live off of waste and to have uncomplicated needs; giving them coins would discourage that, it would indeed lessen their vulture like tendencies and give them more time to sleep and drink which would make them less healthy.” I responded, “Easy for you to say that but what does that beggar fellow think of your cold hearted statements?” “Well Mr. Earth-man if you really want to know why don’t you ask him yourself?” And saying that she leaned into me and changed my direction so that we ended right in front of him. She wet her lips and kissed my neck and whispered into my ear, “Our beggars are so self sustainable they can even speak for themselves.” Oh she was just so cute sometimes. I said to him, “How do you see your way of life.?” He nervously placed his hands in his pockets as if they were searching for gold coins to give me or searching for comfortable answers to uncomfortable questions; as he did this I remember praying that he not go for his unnaturally green and stiff handkerchief, my prayers were answered, and when he begun to speak it was clear that he was an expert on the subject:

“I’ve seen so many beggars and not just in the literal sense that I must talk about them. I am particularly well equipped to speak of them for I myself am a beggar. I beg for love, pity, compassion, support, attention, well I beg for everything so of this, and indeed only this, I am an expert. we beggars are the true incapable, that are unable to be, to do or to create. The only true value we possess is the despicable capacity to beg. No one can do it as well as we can. Few if any understand how good we are because we are so good at it that we make everyone think we are not.

To be a beggar it is absolutely important not to possess any other value, that is what makes us so good, we have nothing else to distract our efforts. Our tactics are based on making the whole world feel bad about our miserable condition, we inspire pity and awaken consciousness even in cadavers. We also make our situation appear so despicable that it attracts very few people. We do this because begging provides the best results when there are only a few beggars. It is one typical monopoly, we discourage competition to gain monetarily. The less there are to beg, the more there are to give. This is why the common person thinks that it would be terrible to be a beggar, why to them the thought is preposterous, though the truth is that only a beggar has plenty of leisure time and the more precious time to think. Of course we are polluted, rarely manicure our nails or shave, our sex sessions are rare, clumsily savaged, orally greased and really saliva dirty, and we don't possess anything; we may even look ill half of the time, yet remember that the material is awakened only by helplessness.

But think how good we are, for we sell nothing, absolutely nothing, if anything, we sell bad feelings for we make people feel terrible, real terrible. Do you know how difficult it is to give nothing but bad feelings and receive money for it? We are in fact the best salesmen in the world and we will stop at nothing to sell our poor condition. Some of the trade secrets which I will now tell you will inspire the most profit. Children are tops on the list, if you are a beggar with children it is like having and unlimited credit line, the younger they are the more valuable. If they are unable to talk or walk you can carry them with you, sit them next to you and the profits will multiply. It helps if, say for instance, you have one baby to put a sign next to him that reads: "Please help I have four children that are hungry", but never have more than one child, that is atrocious, beggars never have real dependents. When the jewel acquires the capacity to walk and communicate, you no longer need to go out to collect, send him instead. Oh, they will always come back with the earnings, for the poor creatures think they need you to be rude to them. Teach them a few strong lines like: "For my bus fair to see my sick mother or I have a terminal illness". Terminal illness is particularly good because it means the gory picture society must endure is temporary, people will feel like this poor thing is going to die soon and with that kind of a life that is good thing, but what they are really thinking is this one is closer to heaven he will put in a good word for me soon, or teach them to act fragile, quiet and innocent. As they become older it is better to abandon them, less they become a burden. Remember children are a terrific asset and if you can't have them, adopt them and if you can't adopt them steal them. They, the children unlike wine, become bad with age but they are sociably untraceable, they can be discarded instantly and no one catches up to a beggar.

If you are a lonely beggar lines are your most important tool, and tourists are your best customer. Locals become a problem because they see you regularly and that gives them partial immunity. With locals use a classic message like: "It is better to beg than to steal". You know damn well that that is indeed true but the passerby associates that with ethics and disqualifies the honesty of statement to meet a mental moral play. I'd like to point out that for those who work the tourist trait it is not advisable to speak the beggars tongue in many languages. Remain monolingual, your appearance ought to always marry your words. Never sell anything, beggars never try to sell fake watches or gold rings, only those who hope to someday equal us carry inventory or sell junk. Also if you have found a spot that is a gold mine and a rival enters your territory anonymously report him to the authorities, say he spits at passers by, make sure to describe him well so that you are not erroneously arrested.

As a beggar you have one advantage over all other professions. in all of them the older you become the less valuable you are, with begging the older you become the more money you make. It is as if age gave us a crown and rewarded us for perfecting our trait. With age we inspire pity with our presence, with our eyes and wrinkles, even our dirtiness looks wholesome, words become obsolete. Our essence is as that of a child, no longer do we need the babies, broken legs, blind eyes, amputated limbs, skin diseases all those things become unnecessary. When we are young and healthy we need the children and even to injure ourselves, so often we do not make much when young but our profession certainly rewards those who persevere the rough years.

There will of course never be a famous beggars, nor one that inspires pride but, those things are transitory in nature, what has real value is the now, and to make the easiest profession appear the most difficult and repulsive. I have some advice to non-beggars who do not wish to be fools. Don't give, don't ever give a cent to beggars. Beggars wear many masks, some like churches act religious, others act in helpful need like charitable organizations, others like me act helpless against a cruel world, indeed keep an open eye for pseudo-artists and pseudo-philosophers. The fact is that beggars would not exist if someone didn't support them, that's right, that's the honest truth for nature has no room for beggars only for vultures.

Now most of you supporters of beggars think you're doing society, "your mental society" a favor but in fact you are helping to destroy it. When you support charitable organizations you allow what can not survive on its own to exist. You help the drug addicts, the alcoholics, the beggars which are trying to destroy themselves to survive. Your kindness keeps us alive so that we can eat like parasites your society. you feed us, you clothe us, give us shelter so that we don't bother your filthy conscious. If it were not for your sick needs we would perish and your society would indeed be healthier and prosperous, but instead you adopt us and create conditions which favor our proliferation. We love you for your foolishness and praise you for your kindness, and eventually we will consume you and you won't know it because our idiocy will conceal us. I think you are afraid of us because we show you something you don't want to see. By feeding us you try to make us well, but you fail to understand that we are a disease that does not wish to live.

Leave us alone please, don't prolong our existence by fostering the conditions that endure it, instead if you love us, really love us, let us run our course and flaunt our hunger until our bones begin to narrow to the marrow, let us run wild in your streets and scream our poetic pain, but please don't perfidiously feed us let us live alone on what we might uproot for ourselves, and if that happens to be naught, then let us perish. Are you by chance one of the cruel ones, are you the pitiful one, the epitome of the despicable, the one that begs for others so as to hide his own poverty? Maybe you give to us because you too are a beggar, because you're sick, your soul is diseased, your spirit is lonely and your hunger to great, which you quench with your giving. For hunger is the real giver of life,
but extreme loneliness can only be accommodated with fame, if you can not accomplish this then you too deserve to die, for above all things, a beggar begs to die!”

With those words ringing through the thin air he went on with his begging ways, my thoughts opted not to analyze, self preservation and denial are wonderful things.

Back in our mad house we visited with the mad man, that according to Adriana was an expert on the subject of science. A scientist himself, and to dispute that also a philosopher he had abandoned both calls to preach at the mad house. He told me about science in planet earth, if you remember my home.