The Prelude To Birth
I think someone knows who I am. I suspect this because a person has identified herself as knowing of me in my past and of recognizing me in the present. Perhaps this should not worry me but it does. The implications are many; to know me this person must know more of me than I know myself. Since I know that I do not know myself anyone that recognizes me and knows me must know more than I. But even more impossible is that I do not know this person who knows me so well.
Consider my perplexity, being aware of a person who has complete knowledge of me but whom I do not know. She approaches me and describes the past, our past which I cannot recognize yet I perceive it as being real. In other words, while I do not recall knowing her, or being in her situations, I have more reason for believing than not. I feel I’ve lost the past, I’ve lost its memory, and may have even forgotten to live it. And the situation worsens, having been absent from my silent, empty and dark past I transcend to the present, in the memory of this person. Had she killed her memory of me I would not be in front of her listening to the words that tell me she was a part of my past, the past which I never had.
My soul’s heart beats and pounds with excitement, at last a jewel has been thrown by fortune my way. I grab her with passion, I rip her apart, I question her thoughts, I am starved, norishing within her I want to find everything she knows of me. I listen with wonder as her vocal chords describe the man who I am, but a man who to me is a stranger. My senses rape her, she whom is filled with so much of me I suck through my nostrils, and when I am finished, not her shadow will remain in the darkness.
My fears feed upon the unknown and the impossible, as I reach into her heart, my head runs away into the dreams of life. I hear the words of this person, while I am saying I don’t want to know who I am, I only want to escape the need to know myself. But this jewel from the past turns into a hunter that comes to poison her prey. I revolt at her sight, my unknown love rejects hers, my vomit rushes out through her, I quiver and fall to anchor myself to the cosmos, so that this woman can not draw me to her tunneling womb, which now wants to give me birth.
I ferociously struggle not to become myself, no, I don’t want to know, I grab the weeds in every green planet to hold myself in place, but these weeds which recklessly flourished without need or desire willingly give themselves to my grip, leaving the ground without grace.
I wonder in pain why did I want to know myself, why did I walk into her knowledge of me, was curiosity my enemy? The winds did rush me towards her who is for now more me than I am myself, and more me than she is herself, while I am someone that no one yet knows. So now I bitten the trap, everything is beginning to dissolve into particulars, I am being sent into isolation as her blasphemous words continue to tell me of me.
Deprived, I begin to feel real hunger, real pain, and though I am force fed, I still cling to the memory of not having a memory of myself. In the rigors of this suspended void I sink into her womb feeling the vapors exuded by life. A putrid smell in my forming nostrils, and nurses curse my virgin ears. I feel the tensions of her million strings as they weave “cells” for my spirit. I struggle less but not without fury, I feel lost but still cling to hope, while she who caught me pronounces my form. I am nauseated, a feeling I know I transfer to her. I was the fly that got caught in the spider’s web, she came to watch me die eternal life. And in my wrenching struggle I tighten the knots.
She devoured me because creatures like her are multidimensional monsters that tunnel souls and trade them to the carnal. Inside of her the captive wakes up in her life. I lay there in some bloodfilled sack with insufficient space to contain what I was once but enough for my new form, which is not me, but even so it is the me I thought I was, and therefor searched for, only to end the victim of this woman mother.
Time passed as time had not before, I began to feel contractions, a sign of us repudiating each other into individuality, and as if there had been a divinity that wanted to rescue me, my eyes caught a light rushing forth and back from underneath my feet. I felt I had a chance, I hastened to turn around while trying to cause her pain, stretching the ropes to make my escape. Furiously I fought my way towards this light, a light that enigmatically I’ve heard described by dying energies, for me towards the hope. I heard her scream, I heard her cry, and felt desperation through my senses. I must have made her quite miserable because I felt her every breathing muscles urging me to escape, she pushed me through this crevice of hers, and not without suffering. Imagine my joy having tormented my captor to the point where she encouraged my escape.
Confusion reigned and our bodies were crushing each other with rejection, until my new eyes felt a piercing dance of light, through eyelids which should have been made thickerer. Blindly, I swam until I felt ambient air preassurise around me new flesh. I was at last free! Away from her grip! Out of that womb I wanted to see, thus I raised my eyelids to see the world that she had described. Why now I realized with horror that I, as her accomplice, rushed through her designated path. Now I was more into her, every step I had taken was locking me more inside of her, she had manipulated all of my actions. Now that I was borne into her tribe, now that I could not escape her social form, save by death, now I was free.
I though of retreating, but her tunneling womb had lavishily shut, it is here taboo for us to make love to our mothers, I still opted to love her, and more those like her, cunningly to win favor with them, so as to someday make an escape. For now I knew it was to late, and as the thought of life came upon my apocalyptic awareness, my last complete memory of what I once was, entered perdition. I began anew to cry out loud in torment from the anguish brought by the specter of an unknown life; only to see smiles around the new born.
Consider my perplexity, being aware of a person who has complete knowledge of me but whom I do not know. She approaches me and describes the past, our past which I cannot recognize yet I perceive it as being real. In other words, while I do not recall knowing her, or being in her situations, I have more reason for believing than not. I feel I’ve lost the past, I’ve lost its memory, and may have even forgotten to live it. And the situation worsens, having been absent from my silent, empty and dark past I transcend to the present, in the memory of this person. Had she killed her memory of me I would not be in front of her listening to the words that tell me she was a part of my past, the past which I never had.
My soul’s heart beats and pounds with excitement, at last a jewel has been thrown by fortune my way. I grab her with passion, I rip her apart, I question her thoughts, I am starved, norishing within her I want to find everything she knows of me. I listen with wonder as her vocal chords describe the man who I am, but a man who to me is a stranger. My senses rape her, she whom is filled with so much of me I suck through my nostrils, and when I am finished, not her shadow will remain in the darkness.
My fears feed upon the unknown and the impossible, as I reach into her heart, my head runs away into the dreams of life. I hear the words of this person, while I am saying I don’t want to know who I am, I only want to escape the need to know myself. But this jewel from the past turns into a hunter that comes to poison her prey. I revolt at her sight, my unknown love rejects hers, my vomit rushes out through her, I quiver and fall to anchor myself to the cosmos, so that this woman can not draw me to her tunneling womb, which now wants to give me birth.
I ferociously struggle not to become myself, no, I don’t want to know, I grab the weeds in every green planet to hold myself in place, but these weeds which recklessly flourished without need or desire willingly give themselves to my grip, leaving the ground without grace.
I wonder in pain why did I want to know myself, why did I walk into her knowledge of me, was curiosity my enemy? The winds did rush me towards her who is for now more me than I am myself, and more me than she is herself, while I am someone that no one yet knows. So now I bitten the trap, everything is beginning to dissolve into particulars, I am being sent into isolation as her blasphemous words continue to tell me of me.
Deprived, I begin to feel real hunger, real pain, and though I am force fed, I still cling to the memory of not having a memory of myself. In the rigors of this suspended void I sink into her womb feeling the vapors exuded by life. A putrid smell in my forming nostrils, and nurses curse my virgin ears. I feel the tensions of her million strings as they weave “cells” for my spirit. I struggle less but not without fury, I feel lost but still cling to hope, while she who caught me pronounces my form. I am nauseated, a feeling I know I transfer to her. I was the fly that got caught in the spider’s web, she came to watch me die eternal life. And in my wrenching struggle I tighten the knots.
She devoured me because creatures like her are multidimensional monsters that tunnel souls and trade them to the carnal. Inside of her the captive wakes up in her life. I lay there in some bloodfilled sack with insufficient space to contain what I was once but enough for my new form, which is not me, but even so it is the me I thought I was, and therefor searched for, only to end the victim of this woman mother.
Time passed as time had not before, I began to feel contractions, a sign of us repudiating each other into individuality, and as if there had been a divinity that wanted to rescue me, my eyes caught a light rushing forth and back from underneath my feet. I felt I had a chance, I hastened to turn around while trying to cause her pain, stretching the ropes to make my escape. Furiously I fought my way towards this light, a light that enigmatically I’ve heard described by dying energies, for me towards the hope. I heard her scream, I heard her cry, and felt desperation through my senses. I must have made her quite miserable because I felt her every breathing muscles urging me to escape, she pushed me through this crevice of hers, and not without suffering. Imagine my joy having tormented my captor to the point where she encouraged my escape.
Confusion reigned and our bodies were crushing each other with rejection, until my new eyes felt a piercing dance of light, through eyelids which should have been made thickerer. Blindly, I swam until I felt ambient air preassurise around me new flesh. I was at last free! Away from her grip! Out of that womb I wanted to see, thus I raised my eyelids to see the world that she had described. Why now I realized with horror that I, as her accomplice, rushed through her designated path. Now I was more into her, every step I had taken was locking me more inside of her, she had manipulated all of my actions. Now that I was borne into her tribe, now that I could not escape her social form, save by death, now I was free.
I though of retreating, but her tunneling womb had lavishily shut, it is here taboo for us to make love to our mothers, I still opted to love her, and more those like her, cunningly to win favor with them, so as to someday make an escape. For now I knew it was to late, and as the thought of life came upon my apocalyptic awareness, my last complete memory of what I once was, entered perdition. I began anew to cry out loud in torment from the anguish brought by the specter of an unknown life; only to see smiles around the new born.
posted by Ricardo Correa at
2:29 PM
