The Real Devil

I am more or less a good person but I don’t expect you to believe me so I will compare myself to God, that is the best of all good so that you can have a more objective view of my goodness. A perfect point of reference is the Seven Deadly Sins because they are so well accepted.

Certainly I am the king of sloth but this is because I want to be in harmony with the general theory of relativity, that is if the planets want and do take the easy way, they being planets must know best. And not to compare myself to God but I at least follow the complex law of the general theory relativity; while God, what does he do, he came, built the habitat for humanity, placed the devil to reign in it for a few millenniums and left. Just what has he been doing with himself sense? Common tell me, what does a God do with all the time he has, omnipotent and doing nothing that is, forgive me, ultimate sloth!

There is envy but I only envy those that have more than I. I have no envy for the poor, and the hungry, and the needy, or even for the sickly and the ugly, and sense those that are rich, healthy and beautiful are but a mere fraction of the population, my envy is thus the least that it can possibly be. But take God that as soon as someone tries to even get one up on him or steal a soul from him and he strikes with the might of Thor! Let him whom is without envy allow others to follow the devil or worship a pagan god. I mean, I will mention a certain Wicked Queen Witch later, but there is ample evidence that God is a bit more selfish and jealous than she. Certainly the devil would a been happy with just a few souls and a little bit more power but compromise has always been unacceptable to God, he wants to be the only ruler!

I admit that do suffer from a tremendous amount of lust, I lust after all women, and I have thought every dirty thought possible, but I think this is more in keeping with the preaching that one should love thy neighbor and thy neighbors wife more so. I have done this, and may I say that I have excelled at it, and if my neighbor can not satisfy his wife is it not my duty to satisfy her? Yes it is. And it is even abeyance of a higher order, go forth and reproduce. Now God himself lusting after all the love of humanity got another man’s wife pregnant, and this he said because he wanted to save and love us all. And on that day, unknowns to Joseph, was set a religious precedent for cuckolding. Here God and I share no difference.

Now I am not a lover of gluttony in fact I have been very modest in this way but I do pursue the act of drinking with a bit more fervor than perhaps I should. But is this such a crime when because of it, I am often found in a stupor that prevents me from committing other sins? Best it is I say. Now, I know God is not a big drinker but by turning the water into wine he did encourage us to drink, so if he did not want us to drink the wine, then he should have given us a better example, water would a been fine. And out of respect I will not explore the possible complication of liability, for how are we to be certain that it was not the wine that Jesus poured poor Judas that made him do the things he did? Sing along now.

I am quick to anger but only when I don’t get my way. It is not unreasonable to expect that the universe deliver goods and treats my way, life is but a fruit and one does right to expect it ripe and not to rot. God who told us to follow in his light needs proof here? I don’t think so! If God doesn’t get his way he kills, or excommunicates, God has, when he goes into one of his tantrums, killed more humans than the Devil. The bible in fact is the only novel that I know in which the guy that gets angry the most, and is the least tolerant of others, and least tolerant of their views, and even as protagonist commits mass murder, witness the flood, and let there be no doubt that he was king of ethnic cleansing, and this guy, this guy with all these negative attributes comes out as the good guy in the story. Just how often does the antagonist Devil appear, just how often does he kill, I mean someone should use statistics on the bible and not just take God’s word for it, gosh why is a little objectification so difficult to find! To hell with the angels I go, to hell with the angels I go… sing along.

Greed is not a problem for me, I have but a few possessions and any one that wants them is most welcome to them, I want nothing of the material world except the love of humanity and this is a godly deed and not so badly. And here God and I both score well, he really could not afford much while he was on pilgrimage for souls, and so to be fair I don’t think God is a materialist God, though he is the God of the material.

Vanity I doubt would qualify as a quality that I posses, I believe that I am ugly and wrong in everything I say and do. I do not believe that anyone should follow in my ways, and more important I do not believe that anyone else knows what the hell they are doing including God. So my lack of vanity is not only great but also to the benefit of my fellow humans. Now take God, there is a guy that has infinite vanity, and I am not saying that he does not have good reason, I mean he is all that is good, and that is good, he owns everything that has ever existed or will ever exist, he can be in two places at the same time and maybe more, and so because of all these, no doubt great qualities, he thinks that he is the ultimate God, the best God and the only damn God, and I see nothing wrong with that, he is the GOD!

As you can see when compared to God, at least at the moral level, I score well and this is probably why I was never mentioned in the bible. I mean God had no problem accusing the Devil of stealing souls, a very intangible charge, I mean could he prove it beyond the shadow of doubt? And even if he did so what? To say stolen is to imply that the soul belonged to God and not to itself, and if not to itself what matter if God or devil have it? Free markets and an even playing field are economic principles that God simply does not understand. And so what sane jury would even suspect God of being objective when the accused is the devil? But my point is that if God was not afraid of charging the Devil with something, he certainly would have charged me with something as well and yet he didn’t.

And so it is that I am not bad and that this is good but further more it implies that maybe Lucifer was not all so bad. Yes we are told that Satan dressed like a snake, befriended Eve and convinced her to eat from the forbidden fruit tree, in fact the tree of knowledge. And Eve could not resist this mad temptation, again really sex, and thus humanity becomes working class and mortal. Yet we can not even charge him with this crime, sure there is such a thing as thought crime but all he did was offer Eve the choices available; to have sex or to remain ignorant. Carnality takes away innocence, that leads to knowledge of the self, the most naive and ignorant of humans are usually the least sexual. So only a fool would have turned that offer down, Adam, male that he was might have, but Eve was wise, Eve saved us from eternal bliss and ignorance. Perhaps immortality was a very small price to pay for lost innocence, and indeed the best one. But lost innocence is a danger to a God because once innocence is lost it is less possible to believe in a God. I don’t however rule out the possibility that God was the real snake, probably repenting from the cost involved in supporting paradise.

Even so, could you imagine living for ever on earth which according to scientist is supposed to slow down, crash into the sun which will in turn blow up! Damn it, the entire universe is going to collapse or disappear into infinity what good be eternal life in that. That alone can make eternal life revolting or do you find it appealing to be unable to die unlike your universe and sun? There would be a huge degree of pain in seeing everything constantly decaying, coming to pass before the immortal observer. Really all the poor devil ever did was offer us choices and his choices are always better than the alternative. It is natural for us to want to follow the Devil and his ways, evil always requires less effort because it is more natural, God wants us to disobey natural law, that is wrong! This is because God is not natural, God is the most unnatural thing ever, ever conceived and so he is anti-nature. For this simple fact you wont find him occurring naturally even in the finest of tropical forest. So we blame the devil and yet as you can see from the comparison, even I am better than God.

So perhaps, in a more literal sense, the real devil is God himself, and I say perhaps because I want to appear objective but I know to well that he is the real and only devil! After all, he put the tree and the devil there, and he is all things and all things are him, thus his good thoughts are absolutely criminal. His is the premeditated sin of mortality, for not only did he create all the variables but he even knew everything before it was to happen. Can you imagine that? Not only is he then guilty of six of the seven deadly sins, but he is also guilty of a premeditated crime, humanity!

But forgive me, I don't want to criminally implicate God, I am only trying to save the innocent devil from injustice. For God floods us, water appears to be one of his favorite methods of execution, and floods are not enough for the good lord, in revelations he promises conflagration! Is this God bored? What is it with him that forces him to draft armies like a general and with rod and anger he cries: Spare not their young men, orphans and widows I do not pity! And before him the land is laid to waste. My eyes cry to think of those two liberal and civilized cities, Sodom and Gomorrah, which were vanquished, and the murder of that humble woman who dared to witness the crime in its progress, oh God what anguish! And, there are even more gruesome events like infestation, and even psychological abuse not only with his ever flaunting of our proximity to hell, but also his most brutal asking of Abraham to murder his own son, Isaac! What about that day which now rest so deep in the memory of the red sea, when handsome Roman soldiers found walls of water closing access to the fugitives. Was that not a massacre? A Massacre it was, and worse, an interference with the law.

I can only be wrong on the above statements if the bible too is wrong and maybe I should rewrite the bible and take the God part out for today the bible serves more to amuse than to provide spiritual comfort. I think that If the bible were written today it would be categorize under self help and be titled: “The Scum Of The Earth Guide To Success”.

Adriana made a fist and hit me on the arm and said “Hey are you with me or are you on some other planet!” I touched my new bruise, of which I was proud and I responded, “Oh I was just dancing in the snow, I am back what fancy talk might we hear next?”